Yesterday was one of THOSE days. You know the kind. You're trying to homeschool, and at the same time trying to fold the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the bathroom, make the beds, and take a shower. Only yesterday I had the added bonus of watching my twenty-two month old niece, Samara, who was all to eager to help me write with dry erase markers, uncap glue sticks, build blocks, turn on the CD player, and unshelf every single book in the house.
Yep. One of THOSE days.
As soon as Samara's mother picked her up, I rushed into my office, scurrying to plan an agenda for our new homeschool group's second monthly meeting that would begin in just a few short hours. It was at that time, I realized my youngest son, Camden, was still working on the Science activity I had given him TWO HOURS AGO. My other son, Bryson, ever the overachiever (just like his mother), had completed his entire list of assignments. At this point, I was very much tempted to have him teach his brother.
But I didn't. I sat there with Camden, appearing so patient, but actually on the brink of a major breakdown, when my husband walked in the door.
I took this as my cue to retreat. While I realize now, it might have been more productive to pray, I literally ran to my bedroom, buried my face in a pillow and cried. It was not as soothing as the calming peace of quiet-time with my Savior, but I did feel better afterward.
Later, at our homeschool meeting, I showed a brief clip of Christian comedian Tim Hawkins talking about homeschooling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU9rxYNWINw
He wrote a song that quips when a homeschool mom is talking to herself, it's okay. She's just having a parent-teacher conference. I confessed to my fellow homeschooling moms, most of whom I've only known for a few months, that my day had been filled with parent-teacher conferences.
Once I started talking about it, I just couldn't stop. I poured my heart out to these women, telling them things I am barely willing to tell myself. Homeschooling is hard. And my biggest enemy is myself. I have these expectations of how I want the homeschool year to proceed, only it never works out that way. This year the setbacks started almost as soon as we started. I came into the meeting feeling very defeated, and not at all well-equipped to lead a group of moms who are looking to me for encouragement.
You might think at this point the atmosphere in the room felt like a deflated balloon. But no. Those women jumped right in and started sharing their own experiences of feeling inadequate. Apparently this is an ongoing battle, only to be conquered when you witness your child's success as a grownup. There were nodding heads, reassuring smiles, and verbal hugs all around.
That's when it hit me. These are my peeps.
These moms are in the trenches with me. They know what I'm trying to do because they're trying to do the same things. They know what I'm feeling because they feel the same things. They know what I'm thinking because they've thought those same things themselves.
Our devotion leader talked about absolute worship - praising God when there is no music, when there are no people, when you are by yourself and it's all about Him.
I wish I had praised God instead of crying yesterday. I'm sure it would have uplifted my spirit and comforted my soul. I was so desperately in need of those things.
But I didn't.
So God found another way to pick me up and calm my nerves. He gave me peeps.
What would I do without my homeschool group?
Thank you to the ladies who were able to come to our meeting last night - Melanie, Deanna, April, Melissa, Julie, Eunice, Missy and Donna. I am so grateful for your words of encouragement. Today is better than yesterday because of you. May God bless you all.
